What The Heart Wants

When I was little, I always wanted to be a princess. I was sure that I was switched at birth and was destined to be apart of a royal family. I would dress up and twirl around in my sparkly gowns just waiting for the moment to arrive that I would find my destiny. But as I grew up I realized I am definitely my parent’s child and my hopes of being a princess were smashed. I knew in my heart that I was a princess but my DNA told me differently.

I have witnessed first hand that the heart wants what it can’t have. It’s an uncomfortable and painful moment when you realize that what you want so badly is not exactly in the plans.  After coming to terms with the fact that I was not going to be a princess, I wanted to be a ballerina. But yet again, that was not the plan for my life despite how badly I wanted it to happen.

As I’ve grown up, my heart has wanted different things.  There have been times where my heart was set on someone I thought I could love.  No matter how much my heart felt for that person, it was not God’s plan for them to be apart of my life. Even after this realization, my heart still desired the unobtainable.  How is that possible? It seems only logical that you would want and adore something you have not something or someone who is out of reach.

It’s been said that “the heart wants what it cannot have” and this quote has always frustrated me, mainly because it has always made sense to me. Even as a little girl, my heart wanted exactly what it could not have.  As an adult now, I see that more through relationships, friendships, career paths and overall dreams. I want more than anything to graduate, move to Italy and have a career in international advertising.  The odds of that actually happening are extremely small but I can’t help but dream about it.

Another example of this is last year when I didn’t get a job as a summer camp counselor.  I came to terms that I was supposed to do something else with my summer free time and I was excited about my new summer plans.  But the day that I had to drop my brothers off at the same camp that rejected me, my heart flipped.  I wanted so badly to be there welcoming the new campers, surrounded by an incredible staff and praising God all at once.  Obviously, that was not going to happen since it was the middle of summer but for me, that didn’t matter. I thought about it for the next few days and could not shake the feeling of failure and jealousy.

So why is it that our heart longs for what is extremely difficult or impossible to have? Is it because as children we were taught that our dreams were never too outrageous to achieve? Or is it because we feel entitled to things in life and are disappointed when they don’t fall perfectly into place? Maybe I’m alone in this thought but I can’t help but think about this heart struggle and be deeply bothered.

I’ve come to the conclusion that even though we want something with all of our heart, maybe that’s not what is best for our life.  We don’t know the plans for the future and to sit and dwell on something that is never going to happen is just wasting life.  I will never be a princess. It’s just not going to happen but if I focus all of my attention on that I lose the life I am given now.  So the moral of this very long and semi cheesy blog post is to be happy with what you have now.  The heart will chase the things you love so surround your life with people and activities that make that happen.

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2 thoughts on “What The Heart Wants

  1. Why are you such a baller haha… i freaking love youuuuuuu!! and miss you and wish i was coming to still water this weekend ;(

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